Treating Your Child's Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)
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What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is one of the three disruptive behavior disorders listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is published by the American Psychiatric Association. This is the most common psychiatric problem in children. Over 5% of children have it. In younger children boys have it more than girls, but as children grow older, the rate is the same in both.
ODD is characterized by aggressiveness and hostility toward others, particularly parents, teachers, and other figures of authority. These children willfully try to bother and irritate others. They tend to be argumentative and to get into fights a lot. They are also easily annoyed and refuse to take responsibility for the things that they do.
Because their behavior is so difficult, ODD children have a lot of trouble getting along with family and friends, and tend to have a lot of difficulty in school.
What is Oppositional Defiant Disorder Like?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder children are experts at manipulating others. They cause a lot of discord. These children are masters of putting adults against each other, including spouse against spouse and parents against teachers. They can cause a lot of chaos at home and unless the parents are on alert, ODD children can strain or even destroy a marriage.
Insights on Teenage Oppositional Defiant Disorder
These children are constantly angry. They lose their temper and fight with adults. They talk back, argue, and refuse to follow even simple directions; often for no apparent reason.
Children with ODD are stubborn and repeatedly test limits, even as young children. They are easily annoyed and blame others for their mistakes. Their behavior can get them into a lot of trouble. However, they refuse to take responsibility for the consequences of their actions. Rather they identify these outcomes as someone else's problem.
What are the Symptoms of ODD?
Some children are just stubborn. Some are argumentative. Some are hard to get along with and don't like to be told what to do. These are characteristics of normal children. What separates children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder from normal children is not so much what they do, but to the degree that they do it.
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It is normal for children to have occasional bouts of difficult behavior. This is especially true of children who are in developmental stages of ages of transition; such as between the ages three to five or during adolescence. During these periods, children try to assert themselves and can become very defiant.
In addition, normal children who are tired, hungry or disturbed about something often react by being defiant. So Oppositional Defiant Disorder is not characterized so much by the type of behavior that these children display, but by the degree and frequency they display these behaviors.
Normal children can be defiant, but their behavior does not disrupt their life. It is not like that with Oppositional Defiant Disorder children. ODD children are difficult and argumentative to the extent that their behavior interferes with their school performance, their ability to perform in school, and sometimes, their relationships with other children.
The following is a list of the behaviors that Oppositional Defiant Disorder children frequently display:
- Get angry frequently
- Talk back to adults
- Openly disobey instructions
- Thwart rules
- Intentionally bother others
- Refuse to take responsibility for their actions
- Refuse to take responsibility for their misbehaviors
- Are quick to take offense and get annoyed easily
- Are quick to anger
- Tend to be resentful, cruel, or malicious
- Speak harshly
- Seek revenge
- Have temper tantrums often
Parents of ODD children often claim that even when they were very young, their children were inflexible and demanding.
Diagnosing Oppositional Defiant Disorder
ODD children are not that different from normal but difficult children. The difference is one of frequency and intensity. If you feel your child may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, you will need to consult a psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional to get a comprehensive evaluation.
There a simple ODD Screening Test at http://addadhdadvances.com/ODDtest.html which you can try.
What Causes Oppositional Defiant Disorder?
No one really knows what causes Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Researchers have proposed two theories.
One theory is that Oppositional Defiant Disorder comes from incomplete behavioral development. For reasons unknown, these children do not master the developmental tasks that their peers accomplish as small children. ODD children get stuck in the 2-4 year old defiant stage. For some reason these children just don't grow out of it.
The second theory suggests that Oppositional Defiant Disorder is caused as a result of the negative interactions that these children have while growing up. It is their interactions with adults that bring out their oppositional defiant behavior.
There are physical, psychological, and social factors that are connected with the occurrence of ODD. Genetics seems to play a part. There are indications that being oppositional is a strongly inherited characteristic. Also, women who smoke during pregnancy and pregnant women who drink alcohol excessively have children with ODD more commonly.
Children who live in an abusive home more commonly have ODD. Homes where there is drug or alcohol abuse, poverty or lots of violence tend to foster the development of defiant children. Other psychological and social risk factors include living in an unstable home environment or being raised by a single parent.
Complicating Conditions
Oppositional Defiant Disorder almost never comes alone.
- 50-65% of ODD children also have ADHD
- 35% of these children will eventually have an affective disorder
- 20% develop some kind of mood disorder, such as Bipolar Disorder
- 15% eventually have some type of personality disorder
- A large number of ODD children have a co-existing learning disorder
Any child who is suspected of having Oppositional Defiant Disorder needs to be evaluated for other disorders as well. It is imperative to uncover the co-existing problems. Addressing these other conditions is one of the keys to treating Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
Long Term Outlook
What happens to a child with ODD? They usually follow one of four paths.
1. Your child may grow out of Oppositional Defiant Disorder: Half of the preschoolers who are thought to be ODD no longer are considered to have ODD by the time they are 8. However, in children 8 and older, 3/4 of them will still meet the diagnostic criteria when they are older.
2. Your child's ODD may change into another condition: 5-10% of the preschool children with ODD have their diagnosis changed to ADHD when they are older. At times, these children get worse and eventually meet the diagnostic criteria of Conduct Disorder, the most serious of all childhood disruptive disorders. If a child is going to go in this direction, it usually takes place quite early. A child who has ODD for three years and hasn't developed Conduct Disorder, will probably never develop it.
3. Your child may continue to have Oppositional Defiant Disorder and nothing else: This is quite unusual. Only 5% of children follow this path.
4. Your child may begin to show signs of another disorder along with ODD: This is the most common path.
Medical Treatment of Oppositional Defiant Disorder
The research of the value of medical treatment of ODD is still in the preliminary stages. However, the results, so far, suggest that medication may have some benefit when other disorders are present, also.
In one study, researchers looked at the effectiveness of using Ritalin to treat children who had both ADHD and ODD. They found that by the end of the study 90% of the children who received Ritalin no longer had Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
This was not a well run study because the researchers did not include in their results those children who were too defiant to comply with the treatment program. However, even if these children were included in the results and listed as treatment failures, the rate of success using Ritalin was 75%. A highlight of this study is that the researchers found that even when the ADHD was not severe enough to warrant the use of Ritalin, giving the medication did help with the ODD.
The effectiveness of Strattera has been studied in children with both ADHD and ODD. The results are mixed. Some studies show that Strattera makes a difference in ODD, some show that it doesn't.
Both Omega-3 oils and vitamin E were tested in ODD children. Both seemed to help with the behavior to some degree.
Psychological Intervention
The primary way of treating Oppositional Defiant Disorder is through parent management training. The younger your child is when you enroll in such a program, the better the outcome. If you want to help your child; some form of parent training program is essential. See the recommended resources below.
These programs can be quite expensive, costing $100 or more per week for a period of several months to half a year. Insurance usually will not pay for such programs.
Advice to Parents
There is far too little known about this extremely common childhood behavior disorder.
The most effective approach to treating ODD is:
1. Get a thorough medical and psychological evaluation: The key to helping an ODD child is to first know exactly what his problems are.
2. Treat any other co-existing condition aggressively: Whether your child has some other medical condition, such as ADHD, a physical problem such as a Sensory Deficit Disorder or a Learning Disorder; taking care of his other problems is the key to successfully alleviating much of your child's oppositional behavior.
3. Consider giving your child an Omega-3 supplement and a vitamin E supplement: Most children are deficient in these nutrients and there are no ill effects if your child gets more than he needs. Even if it does not help with the ODD, your child will in all likelihood be much healthier if he receives these supplements.
Conclusion
Raising a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder is hard. However, it can be done.
If you identify your child's other problems and treat them; AND if you develop your parenting skills through a specialized parenting program you will be successful.
Recommended Resources...
More Information:
Child Teen Discipline FREE CD
Oppositional Defiance Disorder
Online Treatment Program:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Child Treatment Program
Note: This program is designed for children ages 2-12. However, there is a link on this page for parents of teens with ODD.
Other Resources
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I have a 14 year daughter with ODD and ADHD she consistently puts me down argues and is abusive towards me. I can't tell her what to do she just expects everything her way, I am divorced with a another partner who is very tolerant.
Julie
We have an 18-year old who was diagnosed with ODD at age 8, a very common age for true ODD to make itself obvious. Dealing with her has been the single most difficult thing I've dealt with in my life. Many times we felt that we just wouldn't survive and that we couldn't go on.
Although we went through hospitalizations, years of therapy, medications, books, educational testing, and everything else we could think of, nothing really made very much difference except to help us understand what was happening.
The biggest thing that helped us was getting into touch with other parents who had experienced the same thing. Hearing - finally - someone say that they knew how I felt was such a relief. ODD children are so good at charming teachers, counselors, and strangers that it is the parents who always come out looking bad. Remember they are the kings and queens of manipulation. How could this polite child be causing all of this problem? And their individual behaviors don't sound all that bad. It was only those who knew her over a longer period of time who could really see what she was about.
My advice is to see a psychologist, have your child evaluated for meds, have your child tested for learning difficulties and do everything else that your health care provider suggests. But the absolute most important thing to do is seek out support for yourself from among those who truly understand what a parent of an ODD child goes through.
I am checking into this more because of my step daughter. I have only been married for a little over a year and our lives have been turned upside down. At the moment, she doesn't live with us-though he has custody. I admit that I am so worried when she is with us again that I just won't be able to handle it. I am afraid that it affect the other children. I just don't know what to do.
Good information. It was interesting to read that some children grow out of this. I have a child with aspergers, and at one point, I thought he might have ODD. There are so many different things a child can be diagnosed wiith nowdays; it's scary.
Wow, great information! My ODD child (she hates it when I call is that, and yells, "I'm not odd!") is approaching adolescence. She is a "tween" right now, but still very much a child. She is stuck in those 2-year-old tantrums, like you described. Interestingly enough, her autistic brother is, too, but it manifests more like obsessions/compulsions, and sensory problems. What a fun rollercoaster ride I'm on!
I had never heard of ODD before reading this hub, so thanks for enlightening me.
My son is 10 and was recently diagnosed with ODD. As the lady said above, the child sometimes makes it look like the parents fault because they will, however say things that will blame you for how they are. He (my son) is really slick...he never acts out in front of his dad, only in front of me or at school, so that leads dad to believe that there is nothing wrong. If you have a child with ODD, I know what you are going through. I have found that spankings do not work very well. The naughty chair is a big joke. Sending him to his room for 15 minutes at a time works. It gives him time to COOL and also allows me to cool, so that I am not screaming at him and acting like him. The madder you get, the worse they are. If you can talk in a normal voice, that works too. After the 15 minutes, if your child is young hold them in your lap and let them know that you love them and ask, "why do you think you got into trouble?" do not allow them time to answer and say you got into trouble because....and if they are like my son they will try to explain themselves over and over then after every explanation he gives i tell him to tell me more! That really works then they will say mom what else do you want to hear then eventually they will be ready to Get back to playing. And make sure you praise your child for everything that he/she does good! DONT GET ME WRONG IM NOT EXACTLY HANDLING MY PROBLEM, BUT I AM FINDING THINGS ALONG THE WAY THAT DO WORK. I am praying for every mom who has a defiant child. And I have not completely cut out spankings for things that he does that I know is not a part of his problem. Good luck and God Bless.
After having a horrible evening, finding your words brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for helping me realize I'm not the only one going through what I sometimes feel is a nightmare.
My son is almost 9 & was diagnosed with ODD when he was 3 or4. I'm a single mom - his dad & I were divorced when he was 3. Looking back, there were signs my son was ODD when he was 6 months old, but it has always been aimed at me. The hitting, the defiance, the swearing - all aimed at me as if he hates me with his entire being. After a meltdown, he usually feels remorseful, but still feels he's justified because I've caused it somehow. His dad feels it's my parenting skills because he never acts out with him. His teachers can't believe he's oppositional because they never see a hint of it at school.
Thank you for listening & again, thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. I will keep each of you in my prayers as we fight this struggle together
Im a mother of 2 children. I have a nearly 10yr old girl and a nearly 9 yr old boy. My daughter has no problems but my son has ODD and anxiety disorder. I have had issues with him since I can remember, but it came to a massive head when he started school and had to conform to some degree to the rules and restrictions. Sometimes I feel like I cannot possibly go through another day with him, I dread the weekends when he is home and not at his fathers but then scared to death when he does go what it will be like when he comes home. He demands sooooo much attention when he is having a bad time. I feel like I am just a bad parent and I must be doing something wrong, it is a relief to read other stories from people going through similar situations.
I have a duaghter, age 9, she was diagnosed with ODD, ADHD, and Graphomotor dysfunction when she was 8 (the ADHD when she was 5). We go to counseling between once a week and every two weeks, depending on how she is doing. She is on Adderrall XR during the day, which helps her do well in school, she is in advanced classes and everything, however she has the most violent outburst. I have claw marks and bruises on me, I try to follow the discipline guidelines her doctor teaches me, but when i am not around anyone I usually just break down and cry, her doctor tells me things will get better...I hopeso, I am terrified for my daughter and what she will become if things don't change, and I am feeling so hopeless right now. But I keep trucking, disciplining her, assuring her I love her, and trying to keep her 7 year old sister and 3 year old brother from being affected too much. Please tell me it gets better.
Cortney-
Please contact me at akanemd@gmail.com
Warmly,
Anthony Kane, MD
Why is it so expensive to try these things. Some people just can not afford to to keep trying and paying so much. We have bought so many things and are just not in the financial area where we can afford to keep trying things. Wish there was another way without putting out so much up front.
my stepdaughter is 8 now. she lost her birth father in an accident while still in the womb so she has never really known him. I have been part of her life now for about 5 yrs. she was diagnosed with adhd at age 5 and her behaviour has slowly gotten worse as she gets older. She will hit and has tried to stab her teachers at school with pencils. A day don't go by in school that she isn't taken out of her classroom and put in a safe spot. when she is with just me or her mother she is fine but put us together and she will act up. Send her to grandma and she is an angel. She is currently on vyanse 40mg in an attempt to medicate her behaviour but her doc keeps on increasing the meds or changing them as they don't work. She is way behind in her school work and is only reading at a kindergarden level. She throws fits when we try to work with her and the schools answer to her behaviour is to put her in a room by herself and let her calm down no matter how long it takes or to restrain her. She has already been kicked out of 1 school. been suspended several times and is very defiant. help.....
I am 59 yrs old and I saw myself in all of your posts. I, too was a very defiant child. It lead to unnecessary child abuse, not only because of my defiance, but because my parents had emotional issues of their own. Even now, as an adult my friends and my spouse say that I always fight to get my own way. I don't disagree with them;however, I don't realize that that is what I am doing. Defiant persons just want to be heard because they feel that they are right. People need to realize this and not provoke the defiant individual. It is probably best that they should walk away from the difficult person in order to avoid a BIG confrontation. A lot of times defiance is a inherited personlity characteristic, so, if your child is challenging you, you might want to take a good look at your own personality too. Good luck with your difficult children.
I have a grand childwho might have ODD. Is there any help in the Caelsbad, CA area.
Jim Horn
jthorn5656@hotmail.com
I want to comment to "lisashomeoffice". Do you truly understand why you were probably abused? Now don't get me wrong, I am totally against child abuse of any sort, but being the mother of a consistently defiant child, I feel like hurting him. He is an absolute nightmare, and to be quiet honest, I hate him. That is probably how your parents felt about you.
Lisashomeoffice, you probably caused your parents a lot of emotional distress. I'am curious as to what kind of relationship you have with them now. Listen, everyone wants to be heard, but there are ways of going about it, and defiance is definitely not the way!
I'm wondering if anyone can help. My nephew, age 7 as recently diagnosed with ODD. he is 4 months older than my son. Although we live very close we don't spend a lot of time together. Recently we have been asked for help and for the kids to be together more. I really want to help but I am also concerned about my son. He is a bright sensitive kid who has his own typical growing up to do. One of his issues is remebering to be himself and not follow bad behaviors.How do I have them together? How do i have boundaries respected and teach my son how to relate to his cousin? How to I help but still protect my children? Our nephew also has an older brother with ADD and we have 2 little ones.
Children with ODD act the way they do typically because they truly don't how to express their feelings. Therefore acting out in that HORRIBLE way that makes every parent cry! I am one of those parents. My son (6) can be so MEAN when he doesn't get his way or at times for NO reason at all that he throws things, breaks things (he has 24 holes in his wall and no door), hits, screams, wishes people or himself dead. I have read many books and seen many doctors about his behavior and their first responses are MEDICINE (which I did try). I do not feel that is the answer, but at this point my husband and I are constantly fighting about him and are just plain disconnected that we are going to re-explore that avenue. i don't know what to do, but I am trying everything. The latest book I read was "The Explosive Child". This book is VERY enlightening and I am starting to slowly try it. I can't continue to live this way and show my son how I lose control becauseit's wrong and I want to show him there are better ways to show your anger. I am at my wits end with him and this behavior, I have thought about locking him in his room to calm him down. i have removed his toys because he throws them out at us and almost hit our pets...not to mention us. Any thoughts would be appreciated and I do recommend this book to ANY parent who is having these problems because I think it helps!
Thank you so much for your information. It is rare to find an MD with the experience and knowledge of ODD, ADHD, ADD, etc. My son was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD, Anxiety Disorder and some Post Tramatic Stress. Raising him is a ride like no other, as I'm sure you are aware. He will be turning 12 in May, and I will be checking out your post on the Teen Years.
I have a 12 year old boy who was diagnised at age 3. He has been on meds. Here latley he has drove me crazy, at times I feel like the worst parent. He is at the point that everytime I speak to him he just screams and mumbles thing under his breath. I constky get grif from his stepfather that he don't act like that around him. I have talked with his dr. because he doesn't sleep at night and that and his behavior at time I think hen feels like I am making up everything. I am so greatful for reading all the comment at least I know that I am not alone.
MY GRANDSON WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD WHEN HE WAS 3 YEARS OLD AND OPTIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER, THERE ARE TIMES HE GETS OUT OF CONTROL, ITS HARD ON THE WHOLE FAMILY ,HE SCREAMS, ARGUES ,SWEARS, SLAMS DOORS AND BREAKS THINGS. HE IS 7YEARS OLD AND WE ARE FINDING IT HARD. HE IS ON MEDS. FOR THE ADHD BUT IT DOESNT HELP WITH THE BEHAVIOR. AND THE OTHER HARD THING IS HIS LITTLE BROTHER WHO IS 5 YEARS OLD AND TRIES TO DO THE SAME THINGS. THE YOUNGEST ONE DOESNT HAVE ADHD, THANK THE LORD FOR THAT, IT WAS NICE TO READ OTHER PEOPLES COMMENTS AND KNOW THAT YOUR NOT ALONE.
My husband and I adopted two beautiful children a few years ago. They both have been diagnosed with ADHD. One has intermittent explosive disorder which seems to be under control with ABILIFY and ADHD medication. The other one has all the symptoms of ODD along with ADHD and anxiety disorder. They have both received extensive testing. Counseling has not helped at all. We have not found any medication or combination of meds that affects the second child's defiance in the least. When things are going her way, she is a sweet child, but let someone cross her and she throws a tantrum like none I've ever seen.She never got over the terrible two's! Her tantrums get worse as she gets older and I know we won't be able to control her in a few years! She has broken her bed posts, pulled down her curtains, written "I hate Mama" on her furniture, etc! She can be set off by something as small as having to take a bath before she gets into bed!She is mean and agressive toward other children when they play together and doesn't know how to make and keep friends. When she went to public school the teacher had to put up with her defiance too. She has been defiant at dance class and other places. I am so embarrassed when she defies me in public! Spankings don't work, time out is a joke, and she enjoys doing things to deliberately annoy others.We just need HELP fast!
Liz,
That is the problem with adoption; you never know what you will get. My son is totally defiant in EVERY aspect with EVERYONE. I sometimes would like to put him out of the house, but he will probably end up running away anyway as things are going. Unfortunately he will probably be a statistic, run away, unemployed, homeless,etc.
Very informative hub on ODD. Great work.
My son (and oldest daughter) are not diagnosed, but have enough symtoms of Aspergers and ODD that I put the whole family on a gluten-free,casein (dairy) free, low sugar diet. We had results in 24 HOURS! It's not perfect, but you can find more in great books like The ADHD/Autism Diet book, and the Child-friendly ADHD/Autism Cookbook. It's worth every minute to make the change. We still have behaviors -- Dad travels a lot -- but so much has changed I'll never go back to wheat
OMG !!! Thank you for writing this hub. I'm often left in tears at the end of the day with my sons behaviour. His father refuses to admit theres anything wrong with him, and lays the blame on me. I can honestly say I can relate to all of your content. He has temper tanturms , bites screams kicks, trys to take things by force , throws himself on the floor when he cant get his own way , hits the other 2 kids , has mood swings and an awful temper. I thoughtperhaps he has autisim , but every one seems to throw the blame to me. I have 2 other kids, and none of them are hard to handle like this.
Much of the behavior described in the above comments (opposition and defiance = extreme control, targeting of mother only) is also symptomatic of attachment disorder, also referred to as reactive attachment disorder. Some of you parents, especially parents of adopted children, may want to look up information about attachment disorder and ways to "treat" it. Nancy Thomas has a lot of information on her website, as does Heather Forbes (two very different approaches). Daniel Hughes is also insightful. Liz, information about attachment disorder and how the brain is affected by early childhood neglect or trauma (or trauma in the womb) may help explain your children's behavior.
i think my son has this idk im gettin him tested for adhd but the more i read these the more i c him having this he has a very bad attitude please help with any advice
I was looking at this information because my 4 year old boy may have ODD. I have been thinking of doing the GAPS diet for him. Reading a lot of your stories reminded me of the success stories "before" scenarios from the GAPS diet, and I thought i would put that out there as a direction to go for some of you who are looking for a way to heal these issues.
I am not affiliated with this website or promoting it, I just see it as a possible treatment for many disorders, and we are just starting to try it for myself and my 2 boys.
My 3 yr old girl used to be soo sweet. But now she seems like she's stuck in the terrible 2s. Now I've heard of the horrible 3s, maybe I'm just overreacting. But she intentionally does things to make me and her father mad. She will look at u when she's doing it too. She argues all the time, its like talking to the wall with her! She throws fits on the ground, kicks, screams, all because we tell her to do something. Spanking doesn't work, time out, or taking away priveleges. It doesn't phase her any. I can take out all of her toys and her tv from her room and she will still act out. She doesn't care. She tells me "you ruin my life!", "get away from me!", and she "hates" everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm on my last leg here. She is rough and hateful towards her baby sister. I give her full attention when her sister is asleep which is very often. It still doesn't matter. Her biological father was diagnosed with ADHD when he was a child, and to this day you can still see his mischevious 2 yr old ways. Should I get her tested for odd and adhd? I need help!
hi im haveing the same with my little girle been on a break down 7 weeks a go going out of my mind shes just 11 years old im crying out for help
My neighbor's son has this. Most of the time, this boy plays really well with my son, but tonight I got a front row seat to his issues. I feel badly for this family and I don't know what to do when this child acts up. Obviously they're stressed and embarrassed. I can't have him destroying my house or my children's things, and I don't want him hurting me or my kids. Today, I basically kept my kids out of their way and eventually took my children in the house and locked the door so that he couldn't get in. How should other people deal with a child's tantrums? How can we support this family, while protecting our own? How can we make him leave our yard when he violates our rules (he's a 100+lb seven year old)?
My just 10yr old daughter has been diagosed w/ADHD and ODD. I truly find the ODD to be the biggest problem. Like another post, my husband blames me as he has never has been here during a terrible rage (hitting, punching, spitting...). When he comes home and I am in the middle of a rage or tantrum to a lesser degree all becomes calmer of course. My head can't take much more. She is now on Intuive and it seems the best so far. We are also seeing a great Psy. for a 20 wk "anger Mgt." course. At school and with others she is the normal happy girl I know. At home and we me the insanity is at it's peak at times. We are doing everything we can think of to help my little girl through this. I only hope I don't lose myself in the process.
I have never been taught about this condition of ODD when I was in school for behavioral studies of children in Nursing School. I have encountered this in some of my young clients, even some adults too. It is a shame that we are not knowledgeably trained to even deal with this kind of person even in our social circles. I bet the majority of young people in the jails have some kind of behavioral disorder such as this. Thanks for the info.
Thank you for a very good, informative, Hub. I am worried about a grandchild.
We adopted our daughter from foster care as an infant. Even then we wondered if there was more wrong then her just being aggitated and irritable. Every year slowly her behavior got worse. We kept thinking she is just a really difficult child yet she is extremely smart but in the area of her behavior unwilling to learn or try to do better. At age 6 she began to have tantrums a minimum of 4 days a week lastin 3-5hours and the rest of the time was still argumentive just not out of control. trying to navagate the mental health field has been horrible and we have found very little help. We did have her tested and she is ODD, ADDHD nonspecified (ADHD meds DON'T work for her every try has been terrible and seems to have worsened her condition slightly more, Anxiety disorder, depression, mood disorder. We have her take a melatonin at bedtime every night to help her sleep. She takes 1000mg of flaxseed oil daily and zoloft for depression. Nothing is a home run it is small baby steps all throughout the day. When I start to feel angry and fustrated which I do often I remind myself as smart and articulate as she is she is not doing this on purpose. This is brainfunction. If you had a child with a deformed hand you wouldn't blame them for not being able to pick something up. Our children are having to learn to use a brian that isn't working right and because and others can't see the deformity it is a silent hell. Doubts, and insecurity for parents with ODD kids can beat us down hard. Unfortunately I have not found a magic cure. Just exhausting day by day consistent boundries, consistent consequences, CALM reactions, they thrive on upset and the negative they eat it up. Like a ballon they'll suck in the fustration and anger and negative events and launch off it to explode. Positive token economy has worked better than anything we've tried. EVERY little good thing we see we give our daughter a marble ie: You said that nicely,thank you give yourself a marble. Thank you for putting your dish on the counter give yourself a marble. 6 marbles in her box she gets a small treat ie: stickers, gum, crayons we put in a box called the TREASURE BOX. 2 times in the small box she gets to go for the big box a little better stuff just enough better she wants to earn it. Again it's not a cure but I think of it as constantly reienforcing the behavior we want. With these kids it's almost impossible to not be correcting them which turns negative instantly all the time. That is what there brain is focused on it's hard but you have to reteach the brain. If any one else has suggestions I always trying to find good resourses. I hope a little of this and a little of that will get her there. But give up on the one stop cure.
my grandson who is in my care he is 7 has adhd odd and attachment dissorder he attends c a m s who put him on ritlan he would not eat he was getting worse so istopped giveing himthe tablet he is now on rispodal he can get very aggressive fire things like shoes and anythink yhat is in a room i doant know where to turn
Im a truancy case manager and i have several clients that their children has ADHD and ODD. they already go to therapy what else can I refer them to or help get them the help they need
Am i glad i have found this site!! my daughter has a son of 6yrs since the age of 2 he has shown signs that there was something not right and she went to the doctor who referred her to specialist, we are now 4yrs down the line since then and they have done nothing to find out what is wrong with him, he has all the symptoms of ODD infact i went with her to the doctors myself only last week because she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown with him and the lack of support, she is now on anti-depressants!! We explained the situation and he agreed with us about the signs and he is now pushing for treatment for him. What i do see is common is that his aggresion is mostly aimed at her and other females plus teachers, never at males is there a reason for this i wander or are they that clever to realise that if the do vent there anger at males maybe they wont be so forgiving if he hits out at them like he does at my daughter, also what a relief she is not alone in her suffering, one of her problems is that she is so aware of him kicking off in public and they look her as if she is a bad mother with another bad child who she should really be able to control.
I am so happy found this link! My son is 4 and was diagnosed with adhd and odd a year ago and this link helped more then the doctor has!
My 19 year old son was diagnosed with ADD/ODD when he was 11. My husband shows signs of both conditions, and identifies with him. He also thinks that taking any kind of medication or treatment is a sign of weakness. We separated 3 years ago because I couldn't take it any more. We couldn't agree on how to handle things. Now my son refuses to see me or speak to me. It's been over a year, and is so cruel, the pain is unbelievable. My husband thinks I deserve it, that I abandoned them. It is so sad that no matter what I say or do, my husband will never encourage our son to seek help. I'm not a bad mother, and my son is not a bad person. He's ill. If he had diabetes, my husband would be okay with him taking insulin. But because this is a condition that has a stigma associated with it, he'd rather see our son self-medicate with pot. Education is the only solution. We teach sex education and physical education, but mental health should be taught in schools, too. It's so vital. If you or a loved one is affected by mental health issues, try to educate those around you. If we were only more open about mental health issues, so many people who are afraid to get help would be reaching out, and we'd be there to embrace them with hope and support, not fear, misunderstanding, and judgement.
My daughter is almost 18 and is Bipolar, A.D.H.D. and has anxiety issues, I believe R.A.D. and O.D.D. as well. My husband doesn't believe 1/2 of it, because it is all taken out on me, he works 2nd shift so she don't get her own way she calls him hysterical and the tears so it's my fault and I need to get along with her. he's "DISNEY DAD AND THE YES MAN", I, on the other hand have been left to deal with it ALL. I have done everything under the moon to get her help, Doctors, medicated, Alternate Educational School, you name I've done it. My daughter has been fine with that, BUT, I am the OGRE, the one that does nothing for her, she loves me, she hates me, she tells me to grow up, I'm being immature, I can't handle the truth, I don't do anything and so on and so on. NOW if she would stop and listen to what she is saying, she describes herself. I recall being very patient with her (till my button has been pushed beyond the limit), Yes, we have been through the screaming and yelling, a person can take only so much, BUT, I have always told her no matter how much she hates me or is mad at me, I have always told her I LOVE HER that much more. My life going through this is like a roller coaster, up and down, up and down, between dealing with her and my husband, WOW! WHAT A RIDE Will it ever get better? I doubt it. I keep going how, I don't know. Do I like it NOPE, have I given up? YEP, many times, will I quit NOPE. Why? because I love her and she knows she needs me, I'm the only one home for her, her dad works second shift, it's like being a single mom and down deep in that heart of hers, she loves me TOO! and no one is perfect, especially ME! I'm BIPOLAR, A.D.D., ANXIETY, PROBLEMS (I STRESS OVER EVERYTHING) AND TO TOP IT OFF DEPRESSION, do I know what my daughter is going through? VERY MUCH SO! it takes a lot of control, love and compassion to get through it all. YES, it is EXTREMELY HARD, especially when you know you passed it down to one of your children. How did I keep my sanity? well I'm not sure if I have but, I can tell you one thing PRAYER AND FAMILY ARE VERY HELPFUL AND UNDERSTANDING. I brought her into this world and I will keep trying to do MY BEST.
My 16 year old son has ODD and now the doctor says he may have ADHD. I have been asking for help for years. We can no longer punish him, he just tells us we are idiots and leaves anyway. our life is becoming a living hell, everything has to be his way or he throws a fit and leaves. I think he has begun self medicating himself, (smoking marijuana) but when i try to talk to him he points out how stupid I am etc...
I recommend the book The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child. I wish I'd found it years earlier.
My son is 18.He was diagnnosed at 7 with add and at 13 with both add and odd. He has been self medicating for a few years now. We have had him in rehab for the drug use, and a behavioral treatment center as well. However, I have learrned form the many rehabs he has been to that one can only recieve help if they are willing. The centers my son has been to has only made him more angry. Hes been on medication but without result. He is so angry at this point that we had to remove him from our home. As hard as that is for me I still had to. He threatens our lives and disrupts our home continuously. I have a 13 year old son that this has effected so badly that he doesnt sleep some nights. My husband and I are at witts end. Im still fighting for my son and want to get him the help he needs but he refuses to help himself. Im so afraid that he is going to hurt someone or himself. Dont know what to do at this point.
I don't disagree with your article and you make many excellent points. I do have some background in the mental health field (MS in Psychology and I am licensed to counsel) and I will tell though that I feel conditions like ODD are being way over diagnosed. I am also the mother of two children.
The problem is a real one. Unfortunately, because of the vast number of mental health care professionals, parents in a difficult spot with unruly kids, and the existence of health insurance there is pressure to diagnosis problems like ODD, ADD, and ADHD. This occurs even when they are either not really the problem or when small lifestyle changes would fix the behavior better, cheaper, and quicker.
When I was growing up, we were all blissfully ignorant of these conditions. Mind you, I'm not saying the world forty years ago was perfect either. What I am saying is that the response to a child with "ODD" would have probably been to take the kid out to the woodshed for a paddling. Sometimes that worked. Sometimes it didn't. I'm not convinced what we are doing today is any better.
ODD is something that should only be considered as a diagnosis of last resort. Parents ought to be considering changes to the diet their family eats, monitoring or supervising their children more, and changes in discipline techniques.
Honestly, despite my background, when my son got into trouble when he was 11 (destroying property) I gave him an old fashioned spanking with his pants pulled down for doing it. It won't work for all children, but in his situation it did. Psychology is far from understanding everything we need to know about the brain and behavior.
Well my story is like everyone elses'. My daughter is almost 19 now and she has been a lot, well to say the least to deal with. Many people think ODD isn't actually a disorder but it is. It is a constant battle and mine has not grown out of it. She started this at around six years old right after I divorced her father who had a lot of the same qualities. A adult you can let them make mistakes on there own but a child needs guidance. I always felt like what did I do wrong but I have come to the realization that it is not me. I have two other children with my present husband who are now 6 and 8 and fairly normal. My son has ADHD but a lot different than ODD. My daughter went to counseling but would never talk, she had issues with getting along with friends to where there were many school visits for physical contact which I felt horrible about. She also when she was about eight she had such bad temper tantrums she broke the frame off her bedroom door,put holes in the walls and door, broke her window and threw things.As a matter of fact whenever she throws a fit my younger two want to run and hide. She has told me "I swear sometime I am going to kill you" she's a real peach. I blamed myself for a long time but I won't anymore.She is very arguementative and edgy and its like walking on eggshells. I had to do tuff love and put her in Juvy twice and also pressed charges for disorderly conduct. I was very upset when I took her to the doctor so she could get an antidepressant and because I have a depression problem the lady asked me "Are you ok" I felt so stupid. they are totally masters of the game and they argue till you just cant argue any more. She is moving out this weekend and honestly I don't know if things don't work out if I can let her move home again. She is just a lot of problems and I told her she is going to hurt someone some day and she needs her meds. She takes them and then don't and I am at my ropes ends. Anyone that doesn't believe this is real needs to take my kid for a while and you will soon change your toon. I hope there are not many kids like this and it is so sad because I hope she never has children because she has no patience and control. Good luck with all of you in the same boat because this is the hardest thing I have done and will do til I die.
Phew.... that is how I am feelimg right now... I can not believe after all these years I have now found some kind of answer to the hell I have been living!!! My son who has just turned 11yrs has put me through everything you guys have explained. I have felt like the failure the useless parent who can not do anything right. I have tried talking to his father, grandparents,the doctors, speaking to the school, counselling for myself to be able to cope with his outbursts and its like banging my head against a brick wall...I have felt nobody believes me..he is one of four and the fact that the other three are normal has kept me going its nature rather that nurture. When I do speak to people I have to say he is awful child but, I can never put my finger on what he is actually doing wrong or explain it in a way that is different to average child behaviour.. this web page has listed my sons personality exactly every single bullet point of signs of ODD is him! We have cancelled days out, events and the final straw is this year we have cancelled our holiday because me and my partner can not cope with the worry that like always he will ruin it...I know what you are thinking leave him with a relative or his dad but, guilt hits and I can't do it because I feel it is my fault he is like this! so I would rather he is with us and ruining things than segregating him from the family unit!
Thank you so much for this forum! I can now start the process of getting sonmething sorted.
I think that this article is totally BS. You people just need to learn how to control your children. Plain and simple. Medicine doesn't solve everything!!!
You think it's BS? My child is 9 yrs old and he has been arrested 6 times. 3 in school once at a friends house and twice at home. You really have no clue. And if you think it's BS maybe you should just go to a diff site and mind your own business. I'm glad I found this site. It makes me a feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this. Prayers for you all.
Dvorah 4 years ago
Thanks for posting so many great sources for ODD! Your article is great and very imformative.