Positive Parenting and Consequences:Is Your Child Ready?

You've heard that positive parenting happens through consequences.  But this child discipline method just doesn't seem to be working for you. 

Are you doing something wrong?  It's possible.  I've worked with many parents over the last 6 years and I can see where parents make mistake.  In fact, there is one mistake that is made more than any other. I`ve developed an advice video that let's you in on this secret and sets you out in the right direction for effective parenting.

My video is short and available for free on my website.  I think you will find the answers your are looking for.

But maybe not.  I am the first to say that using consequences to discipline children doesn't always work.  Some kids just aren't ready.  Is it possible that you are having problem using consequence for this reason?

Some children are just not ready.  In order for consequences to work properly, your child must understand that he is doing something wrong.  That's right, he must have it in his mind that he is receiving a consequence because what he did is wrong.  If that connect doesn't happen, then he just feels like you are randomly punishing him.

This situation arises for children who are just not emotionally ready, which is typical with children who have ADHD or OCD.  There is too much going on with these children and often they do things without realizing how they affect other people.  For example, your child might take another boy's toy without thinking that he is doing wrong.  He wants the toy so he just takes it.  

Or maybe he moves to the front of the line to get something and pushes back against another kid who complains.  If your son grasps the wrongness factor in his actions, consequences don`t work effectively.  In essence, any consequence you give him becomes a punishment because in his mind he did no wrong.  Worse, if he continues to receive punishments, then he gets more frustrated and probably aggressive.

Now I'm not saying that kids with special needs can't be taught consequences, just that you need to work with them to get to the point where they are effective.  These kids need to be taught that other people have emotions and they must be able to read those emotions.  This is crucial for any child to properly fit into society.

You should practice with your child getting him to 'read' people.  It should be fun and something that he wants to do.  You could start by making different expressions and asking your child what you are feeling.  Then ask him to show you how he would look for specific feelings. 

This isn't a two-day task and it's done.  This is an ongoing process that your child needs to improve on as he gets older.  Eventually you should be able to point out other kids and ask your son what that kid is feeling. 

Maybe using consequences isn't right for you just now.  But soon you'll get to the point where this positive parenting technique will help you with any child discipline problem you have,