How to Discipline Your Child: Negotiating Limits
66The question is, how to discipline your child. The answer is consequences. It's that simple.
A consequence is something negative for your child when he does something wrong. The negative consequence could be something he has to do or something he doesn't get to do. The negative results act as a reminder of what will happen the next time the situation occurs and so become a deterrent for your child.
Consequences can also be a positive outcome of good behavior and should be used just as often when trying to guide your child towards doing the right things.
Negative consequences generally arrive as a result of some boundary or limit being broken. For example, you might have a maximum time limit for your son to work on the computer each night. This is your limit you decided would be best for him.
But then you also should have a consequence should he go over that limit without your permission. For example, if he spends too much time on the computer one night, he gets less time the next night. That's how limits and consequences work to discipline your child.
But one of the biggest mistakes that parents make when setting limits is when to negotiate that limit. You see, too often, a parent will accept to negotiate the limit at the time when the limit has been broken.
This is the wrong time to negotiate. Often high emotions are involved setting up a recipe for failure. By negotiating limits at this time, you will be teaching your child to do the same thing next time. And really, we want your child to understand the exact opposite.
Your son needs to realize that limits are in place for a reason. But they are not something that will be thrown aside with some pleading or desperate promises. Limits are to be respected. By standing firm on this point, your child sees your resolve and how boundaries are to be respected.
Of course this is not to say that you can't change a boundary yourself or even negotiate a boundary. You should be willing to accept changes if you are comfortable with it. The key is to make the changes at a different time when your child is not invested in the change. Cooler heads will prevail and a serious discussion can be had.
I want to you take a look at a free video I have produced. In it, I talk about the most common mistake parents make when using consequence. It is invaluable in teaching you how to discipline your child. Please have a look at the video at child discipline.
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